Blonde Goddess, Uncut Movie (1982)

75% (3 / 1)

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Description: Adventurer Louisiana Smith comes to the rescue of Jungle Jane as she is about to be sacrificed by lusty Indians in the Yucatan, in 1936; suddenly, we cut to the offices of Marble Comics, where comic artist-nerd Elmo Smathers is discovered to have been fantasizing, in Walter Mitty fashion, as his boss gives him a talking-to; his depravities are under fire by a sexy Comics Code representative. As the latter stuffed shirt loosens up, eventually to throw herself at the boss of the comic book company, Elmo fantasizes over other scenarios, including himself as Johnny Ace, WWI ace pilot, battling the German Black Baron; as Private Eye Jack Hammer; and as a heroic construction worker who is transported to a spaceship by the galactic overlord, Megazon (along with a beautiful and innocently-bystanding earthling). The "Blonde Goddess" makes an appearance in each fantasy.
Scene Breakdowns
Scene 1. Misty Regan, Ken Yontz
Scene 2. Nicole Scent, Ron Jeremy
Scene 3. Jacqueline Lorians, David Messa
Scene 4. Jacqueline Lorians, David Messa
Scene 5. Loni Sanders, Tamara West, Matt West, Mike Feline
Scene 6. Heather Young, Loni Sanders, Nicole Scent
Scene 7. Loni Sanders, Nicole Scent, 2 guys
Scene 8. Heather Young, David Messa
Scene 9. Misty Regan, Gordon Duvall
Scene 10. Suzannah Britton, David Messa
Review:
It's surprising that no one (before me) has commented on this once-legendary porn title, still readily available on DVD and a theatrical smash once upon a time.
I had seen it in the original run, and re-watching on DVD enjoyed once more the silliness. This is spoof, making fun of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and anticipating ROMANCING THE STONE. Joe Sarno followed up with an extremely similar film a year later, HOT STUFF, which did not make the initial impression that GODDESS did.
Susanna Britton stars in the title role, yet another actress "too pretty for porn". Watching her one is struck by the fact that she should be in mainstream films, but who's to complain about her XXX antics? David Messa stars as a cartoonist at a comic book company, a vaguely Marvel/DC wannabe outfit. He keeps dreaming of being the real-life hero of the various adventures he illustrates for the book, and that is the content we watch. He reprised one of his characters, Louisana Smith (hardly any competition for Harrison Ford) in Sarno's HOT STUFF movie.
The action is hot, and besides Britton, a very young Jacqueline Lorians is incredibly alluring in several roles, including a segment shot in black & white for a noir look. Loni Sanders guest stars, but her beauty and erotic talent is not properly used, while it is always a pleasure to see Heather Young in action, also in a smaller role.
Ron Jeremy is quite amusing, doing very familiar shtick including his favorite patter and Fritz Feld impression, oddly cast as a Baron von Richtofen figure in aerial dogfights with our hero. Some of this footage almost elevates the film to "real movie" status, but its end credits' claim of having been shot in France, Mexico and London's "Pinecone Studios" is clearly bogus.
Director Bill Milling made several classics (A SCENT OF HEATHER is likely his best), and this one is not great, but definitely a goodie. I prefer the Sarno followup, but that's just my own personal taste.

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