A Girl's Best Friend - (1981)

Description: The story involves a hectic and hilarious chase as Mrs. Leautrec (Juliet Anderson) and her dashing son Paul (Ron Jeremy) stalk three incredibly beautiful diamonds through the ballrooms and bedrooms of Europe, using love and lust as tools of their trade. Hot on the trail of the third and finest diamond, our notorious heroes find themselves at an elegant New York disco where Mrs. Leautrec meets the diamond's owner, Mr. Greenfield, while Paul strikes an unusual sexual bargain with the lady in red (Samantha Fox). Mr. Greenfield, a multi-millionaire, invites Paul and his mother to his annual masquerade and orgy. As hundreds of masked party-goers publicly pursue their favorite perversions, Paul and his mother are caught in an incestuously devious trap, causing them to lose the diamond to another thief (Veronica Hart).
Scene Breakdowns
Scene 1. Juliet Anderson, R. Bolla
Scene 2. Jody Maxwell, Ron Jeremy
Scene 3. Merle Michaels, Ron Jeremy
Scene 4. Samantha Fox, Ron Jeremy
Scene 5. Juliet Anderson, David Ruby
Scene 6. Veri Knotty, Bobby Astyr
Scene 7. Juliet Anderson, Bobby Astyr
Scene 8. Veronica Hart, Ron Jeremy
Scene 9. Linda Vale, Merle Michaels, Ron Jeremy
Scene 10. Christie Ford, R. Bolla
Scene 11. Merle Michaels, R. Bolla
Scene 12. Merle Michaels, R. Bolla
Scene 13. Christie Ford, Bobby Astyr
Scene 14. Linda Vale, Edwin Bach
Scene 15. Juliet Anderson, Ron Jeremy
Scene 16. Juliet Anderson, Veronica Hart, Ron Jeremy
Review:
Like some of Chuck Vincent's best movies (MISBEHAVIN' and GAMES WOMEN PLAY in particular) and his own DEVIL IN MISS JONES PART 2, this delightful Ron Sullivan (a/k/a "Henri Pachard") classic represents a reasonable approximation of the sophisticated wit of Radley Metzger's legendary OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN. A knowledgeable fan of vintage Hollywood cinema, Sullivan has always sprinkled sly cinematic references into his adult work, referencing both the champagne-doused universe of Ernst Lubitsch and the more laid-back efforts of Alfred Hitchcock (TO CATCH A THIEF and FAMILY PLOT) on this occasion. But of course, the director would be the first to admit that this is just icing, or an excuse for a self-styled "critic" (as in "those who can't") like myself to pathetically flex his cultural baggage for the freak show crowd. The real meat so to speak of an adult film lies in its sexual content and this aspect does not disappoint, presented by Sullivan with his customary style and a good old-fashioned dirty mind. The latter is what truly differentiates this movie from other elaborately plotted and lavishly produced porno flicks like Tim McDonald's LUST ON THE ORIENT X-PRESS where the routine sex was overwhelmed by all the trimmings (convoluted storyline, period sets and costumes, etc.) that are ultimately of little value to the genre at hand.
With a cast list that reads like a virtual "Who's Who" of early '80s bonkbusters, Sullivan relates the trials and tribulations of international jewel thieves Mrs. Lautrec (Juliet Anderson, Swedish Erotica's indelible "Aunt Peg", who has never looked more gorgeous) and her son Paul, played by an amazingly svelte and frankly good-looking Ron Jeremy. Their quest for the elusive Fairchild diamond takes them from Paris and the pleasantly perverted Count (the ever reliable Robert Kerman a/k/a "R. Bolla") to New York millionaire Irving Greenfield (late lamented comedian Bobby Astyr in a scintillating career highlight). Pompous Lady Loretta Coldgate (Linda Vale, Lysa Thatcher's mom from Howard Winters' NEON NIGHTS) and her deliciously dimwitted daughter Melissa (a side-splitting turn from magnificent Merle Michaels) are thrown into the mix as a pleasing detour, their perfectly paced threesome with the prodigiously membered Jeremy among the movie's most memorable moments.
The plot reaches its apex at Greenfield's annual masked ball orgy with all of the Lautrec's former victims congregating for an evening of drinks and debauchery, their identities cleverly concealed from each other but obvious to viewers thanks to the beautiful masks designed by adult film character actor and Chuck Vincent mainstay Adam De Haven. Bug-eyed blonde Christie Ford ("Misty Winters" in Jim Clark's DEBBIE DOES DALLAS) relents to the Count's carnal overtures as mother and son eagerly try to make their way to the safe housing the Fairchild gem, beaten to the punch by bumbling maid cum cat burglar Charlotte, none other than the adult industry's most luminous female presence on both sides of the camera Veronica Hart née Jane Hamilton.
Other performers along the way you may need a little help with identifying. Jody Maxwell plays Jeremy's self-appointed "whore" in the early and really erotic hotel room sequence. Her gimmick as the "humming fellatrix" in Jim Buckley's grab bag S.O.S. (SCREW ON SCREEN) effectively sabotaged her considerable thespian prowess for many years. She did some of her best work for Gerard Damiano, appearing at both the beginning (PORTRAIT) and the tail end (SATISFIERS OF ALPHA BLUE) of her career. Veri Knotty's main claim was an even more salacious gimmick, directly related to her chosen moniker : she was able to tie her labia in a knot ! She does nothing of the sort here she did in Vincent's THIS LADY IS A TRAMP as Greenfield's casually servile secretary. Her finest hour may have come as the Prohibition-violating Maxine in Larry Revene's excellent SIZZLE. Dave Ruby's the guy Juliet picks up in the disco and I always felt he would've made a great Al Bundy in a porn version of MARRIED WITH CHILDREN (a challenge ultimately taken by Randy West with acceptable results in the suitably silly early '90s video MARRIED WITH HORMONES). He was astonishing as the bar-hopping pump jockey in Sullivan's underrated NASTY GIRLS. Superstar Samantha Fox, of course, plays the elegant lady in red, exchanging white-gloved manual favors for jewelry.
With fabulous cinematography by Larry Revene, smart use of exotic location stock shots and a relentlessly groovy disco soundtrack, this is pure undiluted "Golden Age" porno as it exists in most people's memories. Sullivan has concocted a really well-made movie as well, intricately inter-cutting various sex scenes with breezy plot exposition in a way that's sure to freak out the rain-coaters. For novices, this also makes it a great place to start. Delving into my personal memories once more, this was the first porn film I ever rented on tape after several years of sneaking into adult theaters back when I was 17. I actually watched it with my mom, which is kind of appropriate in a really strange way considering the flick's central relationship! She would go on to enjoy the occasional dirty movie with her beloved deviate of a son from time to time, teaching me to pay attention to a myriad of tell-tale touches in the presented sexual performances. Regrettably, she passed away from cancer at age 75 on an unseasonably sunny February day in 2003. So in parting, I hope you'll indulge me and allow me to dedicate this review along with my entire "body of work" on the Net and in print to the woman without whom there would've been no Dirty Movie Devotee: the late great Clara Vanhoutte!