Teenage Cruisers, Full (1977)

74% (39 / 14)

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Description: AKA: Young, Hot 'n Nasty Teenage Cruisers / Cruisin / Cruising For Sex / Teenage Cruisers
Fast-paced, almost plotless rock and roll adult film musical set during a crazy night in the lives of a dozen or more teenagers, and other people during a night out on the town.
Review:
This 1977 vintage flick is a downright oddball number that hoped for cult status but never made it. A theatrical bomb on the porn circuit, it somehow failed to achieve midnight movie immortality in the straighter world.

The feature which seems to have been nearest and dearest to the heart of creator Johnny Legend was a rockabilly soundtrack -- OK bar band music but sadly lacking the honking, hiccuping splendor of the 50s jive it tried to emulate. The rest of the package is a slipshod mix of (mostly) early 70s hardcore loops, bad comedy by amateur actors, and endless footage of cars cruising downtown Modesto at night, all shot on what looks like a budget of about $42.75. There's a sort of story. Nympho Babsy Beaudine escapes from the local laughing academy and searches for men, while a neighborhood pervert simultaneously searches for a hot chick. Teens Serena and Lynn Margulies drive so much it's no wonder there was a gas shortage in the 70s. Legend himself, as the 50-watt version of Wolfman Jack, smokes doobies and plays music from his DJ perch. Oh, yeah, and there's a naked bakeoff contest and a bit of bestiality (implied, not shown, and used for what the filmmakers believed to be comedy).

Film turns out to be neither fish nor fowl -- unless you change the spelling a little. If you're looking for hardcore, and you probably are if you're reading this entry at IMDb, don't even pause here. Legend bought some old loops with John Holmes and others, and spliced them into the picture. Porn superstar Serena gets pretty darned nekkid (and nekkid, she's pretty darned pretty) but doesn't actually do anything, just in case you were wondering. Legend handily gives the worst performance in the movie, making the porn cast look like the Redgrave family.

Just as "2001" seemed so much more profound (and coherent) if you blew a few joints in the balcony, this one might be sporadically funny to a well-stoned audience. But I wouldn't count on it. And anyway, that stuff is illegal. You shouldn't be using it. And the 12-stringer seriously doubts they've *made* enough of it to improve this film.

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